Keep it hot from a distance: Our beginner’s guide to sexting
TL/DR: Whether you’re sexting with someone new or with a long-distance bae, the most important thing to remember is to take it at your own pace. Here are our top four sexting tips for beginners: Ask for consent, use the right platform, get creative with your fantasy setting, and don’t rush the conversation!
If you were single at the beginning of the pandemic or you’ve needed to stay physically distanced from your significant other for the past who-knows-how-many-weeks, you’ve probably dusted off every vibrator and dildo in your collection by now. Back in March, you may have thought (innocently enough) that the period of separation wouldn’t last long: “Buckle up, friend. It’s just us for a little while,” you whispered to your Hitachi.
Well, cuffing season is now upon us. It’s unlike any other, for obvious reasons – and it’s rough out there for those of us who need to spend it alone. Self-play is great, but nine months is too damn long to go without physical intimacy. Yet with COVID-19 numbers on the rise, it’s safer to stay at home. We don’t have much of a choice. So, how the heck does one manage?
Sexting could be the perfect compromise. It’s time to give that trusty old vibrator a little more inspiration, and that means putting in the mental prep work – and, as a bonus, you may end up strengthening those distanced relationships even more.
Of course, sexting may not be everyone’s cup of tea. That’s totally okay, too! But if you’re interested in learning more, here are our four top sexting tips for beginners:
Sexting tips for pandemic dating (Or any long-distance relationship)
1. Get consent
Consent may seem like a heavy topic, but it’s actually pretty easy to practice. It can be as simple as asking your partner, “I had such a hot dream about you last night, can I tell you about it?” You give the person on the other line a moment to collect themselves rather than plunging them into the deep end right off the bat.
If your partner doesn’t take the bait, don’t push it. Not everyone feels totally comfortable sharing their most intimate thoughts via the Interwebs, and the last thing you want to do is to accidentally pressure them into something they’re not into. So, not to worry if your opener falls flat – just pivot to a different conversation topic.
Another thing to keep in mind: It’s not always easy to give your own consent if you’re not 100% comfortable with what’s going down in the DMs. We all know a friend (or several) who’s been hit with a surprise phallus on the apps. So, make sure that you’re chatting and exchanging intimate details with someone that you trust, or at the very least using a platform that protects your privacy.
2. Choose the right platform
That brings us to our next sexting tip: The right platform or messaging app you use makes a huge difference.
Snapchat might be a better fit for sending steamy pics if you’re worried about anything racy ending up on the Internet forever. Your snaps disappear in a few seconds, as long as you don’t set them to “infinity symbol.” Plus, you’ll know for sure if someone decides to take a screenshot of your content.
Snapchat even works well for text-based sexting, as long as you don’t mind opening a message and answering right away (otherwise, it’s easy to forget where you were in the convo since the messages disappear after they’re viewed the first time).
Another option for keeping nudes out of sight and out of your primary camera roll? There’s an app called Keepsafe Photo Vault that allows users to safely store private photos and videos with a pin number and military-grade encryption technology.
When it comes to non-photo content, standard texting or iMessage might work well for people who love to write erotic mini-sagas – but be wary of the ways in which your Apple ID (if you’re an iPhone user) might reveal personal information about you. If texting with strangers turns you on, try using a Google Voice number to keep your personal details private.
3. Imagine the perfect setting, then describe it
If you’re new to sexting, no worries. No one’s expecting Fifty Shades of Gray or the lyrics to WAP right out of the gate. Try to learn as much as you can about the person you’re sexting — their surroundings, what they have planned for the day, or what they’re wearing — and tie that into your shared fantasies.
If you wanna take the fantasy to another level, flip through your saved Instagram posts for potential vacation spots or luxury hotel room ideas and start incorporating new settings. Foreplay in an infinity pool overlooking the Mediterranean Sea? Bending over a Parisian balcony while your boo gives it to you from behind? So hot.
Humans are visual creatures. We need details if we’re going to be transported from those same four walls we’ve been staring at all throughout quarantine. Even if your fantasies include humping on a bed of used solo cups in a frat house living room (no shade, we get it), bringing in vivid details from a specific setting can really amplify the fantasy.
The best sexting convos flow freely between two (or more, if that’s what you’re into) people who listen to each other and are willing to get creative instead of dropping practiced one-liners. Don’t be afraid to use your own brand of humor to shift gears when the conversation hits a wall. Get creative with those gifs and emojis, if you need to.
4. Take it slow
Our fourth and final sexting tip? Take it slow.
Nothing is less sexy than feeling pressured or rushed while sexting. There isn’t a “finish line” here — you’re always welcome to let each imaginary scenario play out as slowly or quickly as you’d like. Again, consent and comfort are your top priorities. If anyone is pressuring you via text, take that as a big red flag and block their number or handle.
With sexting, it’s not always about instant gratification. Sometimes, it’s about playing the long game and letting the anticipation build up gradually. Taking a break from the conversation can be as simple as saying, “I’m all tapped out for the night, but let’s pick this back up tomorrow *insert that naughty purple devil emoji here*” You’re pretty much guaranteed to get a text back the next day.
Our top sexting takeaways
If you’ve been physically distanced from your partner during the pandemic – or even if you’re just getting into a new relationship but only get to see each other every couple of weeks – sexting is a great way to dust off those proverbial cobwebs. And if you’re on your period and need a little extra libido boost to hit that cramp-relieving orgasm, it can work wonders.
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to be good at sexting, but it can get tricky, especially if you get too in your head about it. Follow our sexting tips to simplify things: Keep it light at the beginning, have a drink if that helps, don’t rush to an “ending” – and just go with the flow.
Remember: It doesn’t have to be all about words! If you trust the person on the receiving end and you’re feeling up for it, try incorporating some subtly sexy pics. Even a choice emoji or two goes a long way.
Elevate your sexting game by using a specific place or setting as the backdrop to your fantasy. Get creative and incorporate details about your partner’s surroundings, like the temperature of the water or the feeling of the sheets. Even these tiny details can transform a sext from “standard fare” to a five-star experience.
Most importantly, be mindful of your privacy. Choose your sexting platform with care, whether it’s Snapchat, IG, iMessage, or something else. Make consent and comfort your top priority – then relax, charge up that Magic Wand, and enjoy.
Have more sexting tips to share or want to see more content from us on the topic? Hit us up on social media or email email@example.com.
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